Childhood
Hey mom
But I never understood why you would sleep your days away, Why I was constantly feeling a rejection filled with sorrow, guilt and sorry's without any explination as to why you would say and do the things you said and did to me, Why you would hide away in your journal, I didn't understand what you were running from or if you were even running at all but if you were I forgive you for the hurt you caused me on the way. I don't know, but I really thought you were going to be there for me. I understand that being a mom can be hard sometimes, but its like you forgot about me in the mess of trying to be yourself while learning to be a mom at the same time. A mess that you left behind for me to pick up. Im not calling you a bad mom, im just expressing the feelings I constantly have to hide out of fear of rejection and a bunch of " I never did that" statements, I'm so tired of feeling crazy. But I still love you and I always tell you that. I just won't be able to come around as often because im tired of the arguing. I just won't talk as much because I don't want misunderstandings. I won't cross your bounderies but that now means you can't cross mine. it's all become too much for me because all I ever did was try and continue to put in energy of fixing things between us, I have a baby boy to be strong for now and I can no longer put thought and energy into all the why's I mentioned to you in the beginning. I realized it has nothing to do with me but it has everything to do with you and your healing. So the guilt of not being a good enough daughter to you or for you vanished. I had to learn and grow without you when all I wanted to do was to grow with you. I wanted this close bond with you that I now just leave in Gods hands and in my dreams . You should know what it feels like .. you were once a daughter too. And although you try , I try, and we try I just learned to accept the fact that this is just who you are because of your trauma and maybe I should be a little easier on you. Take things a lot slower with you. I just get so upset because now that I am a mom, A first time mom at that I refuse to let the cycle of feeling rejected continue, I refuse to let the depression in our family stop me from being active in my baby boys life, I refuse. I just wish you did the same. I guess I also never told you these things because I don't want you to feel like you failed as a mom. You might have hurt me a lot , but we also did have good times. For at least one moment in my life when I look back, I remember you being happy and taking us out to the city with the greatest step-father to have ever come into my life. We used to go out to dinner, Enjoy going to events, Talk all night and laugh. I don't know what happened mom, but I miss that side of you. Mothers day is bittersweet for me because I wish things were different between us while also appreciating my motherhood with my very own baby. Its common and expected for majority to write sweet messages to their moms on mothersday ... but I can't fake my feelings anymore. I can't fake having a great relationship. For some of us mothers day isn't a good time. Some of us actually struggle to have relationships with our moms. Anyways, mom I never told you any of this ... but just know ... I'll always love you.
By Anjie Garcia4 years ago in Confessions
Dear Mom, Dear Mom
Dear Mom, You left this world when I was two. I have met you through your children, your siblings, your parents. I have pieced together an idea of who you were through the memories of others. In this way I have learned that you were a caring mother, a hard working woman, and a kind soul.
By LoneBug4 years ago in Confessions
A Mother's Life Goes Without Saying.
Dear Mom, Now that I am a woman and mother myself. I realize how much I learned from you by just observing. I observed how giving you were, how hard you worked on your job, how a woman takes care of her home and how to experiment with new recipes. Honestly, some of those recipes weren’t that great by the way, but I have to give you a little credit because you were never afraid to try something new. This Mother’s Day I reflect on the memory of you. Although, you are no longer with us, I want you to know your life and efforts here on this earth did not go unnoticed. I would love to say that everything I learned from you was like an after school sitcom. You know, the ones that would involve me doing something foolish like going to a house party with my friends after you told me not too; but some how you would catch me in the act. Then, we'll go home and have a sentimental talk on the lesson I learned with soft theme music playing in the background. However, my lessons came more so from watching you. You were everyone’s favorite because you treated people with kindness. Anything someone needed you provided, from a hot meal, to a listening ear, or a good roaring laugh. You supported, nurtured, protected, loved, held and gave. I watched you give so much of yourself that you had nothing left.
By Mirrored Vessel4 years ago in Confessions
My hair really is clean
Dear Mom. It's weird the things that stay with you over time. I clearly remember announcing to the carpool full of little girls you were driving to kindergarten one day that MY nickname was "Dammit, Char!" I don't remember at all the bright red face you tell me you had right after I said that.
By Charlotte Stetson4 years ago in Confessions
I didn’t always love you.
I didn’t always love you. You raised me, fed me, bathed me. You were my mother after all, those requirements come with the territory. Little did you know the joy of infantry would fade and for a while at least, all I’d know would be the screaming, arguing, leaving, and hiding…
By Tessah4 years ago in Confessions
Dear Mum
Dear Mum, I wish that my confession was that I broke your favorite china set. Or that money you gave me for my birthday - I used it for a bet. I wish that my confession was that I snuck out of the house one night to have drinks with my friend. I wish it was that the money you gave me for college - I chose to spend.
By Evan Roberts4 years ago in Confessions
One Afternoon in May. Top Story - May 2022.
Hey Mum, Do you remember that time when we were walking down that grey-stone street in Huntingdon one afternoon in May, some seventeen years ago now? You’d let me choose my outfit that day. I was wearing my glittery pink trainers, fuzzy lavender bodywarmer, and tulle skirt over striped tights.
By Rose Waters4 years ago in Confessions
Sleepy Childhood Confessions
Mother of mine, As I was growing up, our entire family teased me about how often I would sleep in your room before I became a teenager. To this day, the "because you were the baby and her favourite" comments will still be launched at me like a sibling-guided missile.
By Whitney Theresa June4 years ago in Confessions
Dear mom I wish I could have told you the truth
Dear mom, I did the right thing and gave you gifts each Mother’s Day but my heart was not in it. Each time I read the warm and fuzzy verses on the cards in the stores I knew I would be lying if I gave one of them to you: Baloons, Tee shirts and other gifts that said " World's best mother" only reinforced to me that these descriptions were not about us.
By Cheryl E Preston4 years ago in Confessions
The Sheer Terror Of Hearing From My Father
Let me start by saying that my father has never given me any reason to fear him or to panic if I see he is ringing me but nevertheless that is how I feel and I have tried to get past this in every imaginable way but the last few years I have finally had to accept that this is how it is meant to be.
By Colleen Millsteed 4 years ago in Confessions
