how to forgive

step one: you must want it—to forgive.

others will act as if forgiveness happens

on its own, as if it is a passive thing

that you will feel desperately, hungrily.

this is false. you won’t wake up this way,

forgiving all. you must want to forgive.

step two: acknowledge your pain.

whatever must be forgiven caused hurt,

(or) anger, (or) sadness. feel this.

it will be unpleasant, like snakes writhing

under skin, threatening to burst from you.

it is necessary. it will subside.

step three: set boundaries, for protection.

they say, forgive and forget—this is poor

advice. forgetting allows repetition, allows

whatever hurt to hurt you again. forgive,

but do not forget. build boundaries,

a wall to shield you from further harm.

step four: move on. (this can be done alone.)

in this final step, you do not need to seek

reconciliation. this will be your choice;

this will depend on the betrayal. you can

forgive and move on together, or let go

and move into your life, unburdened. free.