Librarians Aren't Dates For Hire

If you're a moderately attractive person of any age or gender... And you work in the customer service... You're bound to get propositioned sooner or later. Some people inevitably mistake politeness to customers for romantic interest or flirtatiousness.

In other words: I'M NOT SMILING AT YOU BECAUSE I LIKE YOU. I'M SMILING AT YOU, BECAUSE I LITERALLY GET PAID FOR BEING NICE TO PEOPLE.

I couldn't possibly count the number of times I was being all smiley and nice, while on the inside, I found the patron irritating. But the trick is never to give in to those feelings. Even if they're being rude, condenscending or are trying to piss you off.

Whenever the last thing happens, I double up and act super sweet. The fact that they aren't able to piss me off pisses them off even more.

Yes. I'm sometimes a bit petty like that.

A whole other situation is when you get hit on. Depending on your sexual orientation/current relationship status/general mood... this can either go very well or epically wrong.

My experience so far has, unfortunately, been the latter.

The first time I was flirted with was also the least problematic one. A young lad with his mum paid me a compliment. He said I was beautiful. Twice. The most awkward thing about it was that he was about 15 years old. Yikes.

Also, his mum was standing right there. Double yikes.

I said 'thank you' and turned to my work again. No harm, no foul. They took the Harry Potter book, which they just checked out, and buggered off.

The second time was much more unpleasant. I didn't feel unsafe... just grossed out. The man in question was about 70. Old enough to be my grandfather.

After approaching me in the library a few times - just to chat, not to borrow books - he chose a different approach. One day, when I locked the library to go home and eat lunch during my break, he grabbed my shoulder from behind. My heart skipped a beat in fright. He asked me stuff about my personal life. I was noncommittal and avoided answering his questions. I said I had to go and hurried off.

He didn't approach me again like this after that. But every time he did show up in the library, I was wary, uncertain what would happen.

The third time - and the occasion which inspired me to write this article - happened last Wednesday. It was slowly getting dark outside. We close the library at 7 PM. At around 5.30 PM, a man arrived. I never saw him before. He asked to use the WIFI and I gave him the password. So far, so good.

Except right from the start, I was getting some serious bad vibes from him. My instincts were yelling at me: Be careful! He found a seat in the back of the library. He chatted twice on the phone with someone who sounded like an elderly woman. So far, so good.

When I walked past him to grab my afternoon snack, he asked if he was disturbing me. "Not at all!" I assured him. So far, so good.

A patron entered the library. She's one of the ones who are often annoying and sometimes downright rude. But right now, I was happy to see her, in a way I've never been before. Simply because I was no longer alone with him.

While she was browsing the newest magazines, the man approached me and asked for a pen and a piece of paper. I provided him with a pencil and a sheet of paper. He started scribbling something on it while I turned back to my computer.

And then...

"You are obviously busy. Do you want to get a coffee with me sometimes?"

I reacted immediately. I didn't even have to think about it. "No, thank you."

He paused. "I look that terrible, do I?"

HELL YEAH! I would've said... If not for the damn customer service rules. He could have been anywhere between 30 and 50 - I simply couldn't tell. But even if he looked like INSERT YOUR FAVOURITE ATTRACTIVE FAMOUS MALE, considering the icky vibes he was giving me, I never would've gone out with him.

Utter honesty was out of the question here. So, what I said instead was: "No, it's not about you. I have a boyfriend."

Another pause. "Shame."

I said nothing.

Another pause. "He's lucky."

"Mhhm," I hummed only, channeling my inner Geralt of Rivia.

After another excruciatingly awkward moment, he put the pencil back on my work desk. "Well, goodbye, hideous dwarf," he told me.

I turned to look at him. "What?"

"Goodbye, hideous dwarf," he repeated. "It's a saying."

IN WHAT UNIVERSE, EXACTLY? Is that a pop culture reference I'm missing?

He - finally, FINALLY - left. Instead of a moment of peace, the female patron approached me and started monologuing about how she used to travel to work before retirement. It was about as interesting as Arnold Rimmer's dice tale.

I stared at her while she monologued for 5 to 10 minutes and felt my brain cells dying.

When I told my family I got asked out later that evening, my mum cheered. "Don't cheer. It's not happening," I said, and proceeded to tell them how it all went.

Two days later, I told the story to my older brother as well. He listened and then proved yet again that men and women are different when he said, "I would've said yes to the invitation."

"Even if the girl who asked you was really ugly and unkept?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's just coffee," he said.

"Except if I went out with him, he would've assumed I was interested and wanted to shag him," I pointed out.

"Huh."

After a moment, my brother came up with a suggestion. "You could've told him you had a girlfriend."

"I considered that too," I admitted. "But mum thinks that might make him even hornier. Some blokes like imagining two women together."

"I thought that was just a porn stereotype," my brother said.

That was the moment I realized that he wouldn't get the worst thing about the encounter. It wasn't the fact that I got asked out by a man who I found... well, repulsive.

IT WAS THAT I WAS AFRAID OF HOW THE MAN WOULD REACT IF I SAID NO.

The situation made me feel unsafe in my own workplace. On Friday, I went to work again, but before that, I prayed to all the gods who exist that the man wouldn't return.

He, fortunately, didn't. But what if he did? What if he decided he wouldn't take no for an answer?

We live in a world where women are frequently made to feel unsafe. I'm one of the luckier ones because I live in a place with low crime stats. I'm tall and quite strong for a woman. But my heart goes out to everyone who's in a much worse position than I am.

So, let's agree on something, alright? When somebody is working - please, please, don't hit on them. There is a time and place for flirting, but the workplace isn't it. If you do hit on them and your interest isn't reciprocated, you could ruin their feeling of safety in the place where they are made vulnerable to the public. To customers.

Librarians and other people in customer service roles aren't there to flirt. They are there to make their living. And they have to smile, even if they would rather run sometimes.

DON'T BE THE REASON THE SMILE FREEZES ON THEIR LIPS.